Tag - betrayal

Betrayal in the New Age – What to do when your Guru abandons you

By J. Powdermaker

Recently a beloved, former teacher of mine did a major reversal; not quite a complete 180° but close, this teacher felt called; in her words, to another spiritual path which on its face should be fine especially in the New Age community; however this particular ‘new path’ is an old path, the path of traditional dogma, the path of excluding women from all mention and inclusion in the Divine, the path of throwing in with the bloody company of Patriarchal religion.

This teacher’s conversion has caused quite a stir in the Spiritual community as one might expect. The fact that this teacher has been a world famous leader in the community for decades makes the reversal all the more grating. The fact that this teacher is a woman who has been teaching women to reclaim their usurped power, to find an equal place in the Divine as our male counterparts, that she has been teaching women to heal what has been broken by a society erected on the blood, sweat & tears of subjugated women makes this reversal all the more galling. The fact that she’s walking back years of; supposedly, Divinely channeled teachings while continuing to make money off of the many, many books, courses & certifications is quite telling.

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Observing the upset, the angst, the anger & betrayal set loose by this teacher’s about-face I can’t help but notice the loudest voices are worried most about their money and their ability to continue to make money off of this teacher’s reputation and certifications. The ones doing the most damage control; including her world famous publisher, are worried about their money, their ability to continue to sell this teacher’s books and courses.

It reveals the rotten center the New Age Spiritual movement shares with the bad old boys of traditional religion; money. Religion has always had at its core money & Patriarchy dressed up in holy robes. The Spiritual movement professes to be an evolution in human consciousness yet it is as money centered as any of the gilded halls of Rome. We feel outrage when ‘one of our own’ goes back to the other side… revealing our own hypocrisy.

It seems that we’re actually not as different from bad old religion as we thought. We want to lay claim on a person’s spiritual path in self-congratulatory confidence and if one of our own; one who is so notable and so successful, can jump the track and take up with traditional religion so easily it calls into question our position of knowing that we know the right way and we hate that. It throws into the spotlight our own fixation on money and the worldly pleasures (as the Christians would say). It forces us to examine our own spiritual laziness. If our practice is built on the conviction of a teacher or guru or sainted Savior instead of the more frightening, arduous work of self-reflection then our practice is hollow at best.

What many of her followers are feeling; and spewing across the internet, however is not righteous anger at this teacher for her (apparent) betrayal; it is the very real and alarming knowledge that there are no leaders, no teachers, no gurus, no saints, no saviors coming to save us. It is the fear that no one is really trustworthy in this mad house of a world. That there is no absolute moral center. There is no right path. There is no religion or movement or community insulated from the twin influences of greed and ego. There is no white bearded man sitting on a cloud dealing a stacked deck for the amusement of the angels.

There is only us, only our paltry efforts to quantify the Infinite and our bloody rage at anyone who dares shed light on our insecurities.

I cannot, will not follow my beloved former teacher down this retrograde path AND I will not allow her personal choices to validate or invalidate my practice. The Buddha instructs us to NOT take his word for it on his teachings but to test them, in the real world and if the teachings do not hold up, if the teachings do not prove themselves to be true then abandon them and seek answers elsewhere.

The Buddha demonstrates the finale step of mastery with this admonition; there is no external authority, there is no external morality, there is no ‘there’ out there, the only source; Source, of truth, of morality and authority comes from within.

I am deeply saddened by my teacher’s reversal. I’m feeling the sting of betrayal as one might when a trusted friend decides not to be the person she claimed to be for decades but if I’m really being honest here my sadness revels a deeper truth about my own spiritual laziness, my own unhealed abandonment issues, my need to dig deeper, go farther and become unshakable in my own center, this is perhaps the last lesson I will take from my beloved former teacher, the hardest lesson of all; betrayal is the gift that sets us free.

About the author:

Jennifer Powdermaker is the founder and CEO of Indigo Vision Coaching ™; she is a professional speaker, coach, writer, Angel Channel and intuitive healer. She has been published in print and online in notable magazines and authored three books. Jennifer has coached and spoken on stage in front of thousands of people in the U.S., Canada and Europe; personally she has overcome the inheritance of addiction, healed her own childhood obesity, channeled healing(s) to walk again after a car accident left her severely disabled and helped many others on the path of recovery. She utilizes an integrative healing approach, focusing on the personal needs of each client to facilitate real world results. Jennifer is available for individual & group coaching sessions, public speaking and industry events as her schedule permits.

Contact: indigovision@yahoo.comwww.highvibestudio.wix.com/heal


Betrayal and the Gift of Forgiveness

by Joyce & Barry Vissell

barry and joyceHave you ever been lied to or betrayed by someone you loved and trusted? Have you ever been harmed physically or had a medical procedure that left you worse off than before? Has anyone ever harmed one of your children? Has anyone not believed you when you were telling the truth? Has anyone you loved walked away from the relationship and refused to try to work out the differences? Everyone has been hurt by someone else. How do we get rid of the hurt and move on with our lives. How can we forgive?

Thirty years ago we were close friends with a couple perhaps ten years younger than we were. They also loved our two young daughters and were the first ones to babysit when we went away for our first weekend workshop. As our first book, The Shared Heart, became popular, the woman, whom I will call Linda, started working for us as an assistant. Then Linda’s husband suddenly left her and decided he wanted to live a monastic life at an ashram. Linda could not afford the rent on her apartment and, because we were going away for the summer, we offered to let her house-sit.

We returned six weeks later to discover that Linda had robbed us of everything valuable. Because we were going camping and river rafting, I had left my valuable engagement ring in a very safe and hidden place. It was gone along with the only thing that I had from my grandmother, a beautiful (and valuable) diamond pin. Both were irreplaceable. Barry’s expensive camera was missing as well as countless other things. Linda had searched through every box and drawer in our home, even dumping out our Christmas decorations and breaking most of the antique ones from my great grandparents. Then Barry called the bank and discovered that Linda had stolen thousands of dollars from our banking account. She was gone with no way to discover her new location. Her former husband had no idea where she had gone. How does one deal with something like that? We loved Linda and trusted her implicitly. It was the betrayal more than the stolen items that hurt the most.

Of all of the things that were stolen, it was my engagement ring that hurt the most. Barry had worked for a whole summer as a waiter to earn the money to buy that ring. He gave it to me in a most romantic way when we were both twenty one years old. I dearly loved it! Nothing could replace the deep sentiment I felt for the ring given to me by Barry in the innocence of our youth.

Over the years, whenever I would tell the story about why I do not have an engagement ring, I would get tense and sometimes my body would start to shake. Often I could not sleep at night after telling the story. I just could not get it out of my head and heart that someone we trusted so much could betray us and then disappear. I hate to admit this, but I used to fantasize being able to tell Linda all of the ways that her actions had hurt me. After a while I just stopped thinking about it and sometimes several years would go by until someone would draw my attention back to the fact that I did not have an engagement ring.

Fifteen years after the robbery I picked up the phone and it was Linda. She was crying and told me how terrible she still felt about what she had done. She told me about her many sleepless nights and how badly she felt about herself. She was crying so deeply that my heart opened to her. I felt a strong presence of love come through my voice as I told her that Barry and I still loved her very much and that she must have been very desperate to do such a thing to us. I told her that we forgave her. Since she was living in New England and we were traveling there to do a workshop the next week, we arranged a time to meet. I told her it would be so good to get together and share our feelings and that she could begin to pay us back for the many thousands of dollars that were stolen. She agreed to meet with us and to begin paying us back. I ended the call with a lot of love and forgiveness.

She never met us, never started paying us back, and never contacted us again. For years I felt as if I had been too loving with her and criticized myself. Just last year I was reading the prayer of St. Francis in which he says, “Grant that I might seek to forgive rather than be forgiven.” In reading those words I felt that Linda had given me the gift of being able to fully forgive someone in this life for a deliberate transgression. Everything I had said to her on the phone fifteen years ago was right. The power of love asks that we forgive completely. I needed to let go of the story behind why I do not have an engagement ring. I will always miss my ring for I dearly loved it. But I do not have to cling to the story behind why it is gone. I can let go of the story and be free. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to truly forgive someone.

Last month I was sitting in a nail salon having my toenails done. There were five women my age having their fingernails done. Each of these women was wearing at least two or three very expensive diamond rings on each hand. The person doing my nails noticed me looking at their rings and gently said, “I like your wedding band.” I looked down at my simple gold wedding band, which we purchased for forty dollars forty-six years ago. I have worn it every single day. The lack of the diamond ring that went with it no longer bothers me, for I have a much greater diamond to wear in my heart … the gift of forgiveness for another.

Here are a few opportunities to bring more love and growth into your life, at the following longer events led by Barry and Joyce Vissell: Jul 19-24—Shared Heart Summer Retreat at Breitenbush Hot Springs, OR; Oct 14-20—Assisi Retreat, Italy for individuals and couples; Feb 7-14, 2016—Hawaii Couples Retreat

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world’s top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk to Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant to Be, and A Mother’s Final Gift.

Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.