by Deborah Hill
You’d think that after skiing for over 46 years I’d stop being afraid when I hit a rough spot. But no, skiing in Utah I noticed the old feeling loomed over me like a dense cloud when I hit some difficult terrain. Why I’d put up with this feeling for so long I can’t explain. My pattern was to try to ignore it and ski anyway, knowing it would go away once I got down the mountain. I guess I felt that getting down though in fear was an accomplishment – a way of working through the fear. Or, maybe that was just poor justification.
Whatever the justification or explanation I know that fear limits me from skiing my best and in new areas. I don’t ski well when I’m in fear. And, it absolutely demolishes the fun of flying down the mountain, sun shining, scenery drop-dead gorgeous, muscles moving, body swaying to the rhythm of the music on my ipod . . .
Anyway, going up the chairlift I had a flash. Why do I put up with this fear? I’m someone who teaches/writes/talks about getting rid of fear and limiting beliefs, and yet I’ve lived with this fear for EVER. Some part of me obviously thought it was justified. But what possible justification could I have for it? I can ski! Well!! I’m not going to give up skiing. I love it a lot of the time. So what possible purpose could fear have when I’m smack dab in the middle of the mountain, far from the bottom, and nowhere to go but down? Fear wasn’t doing me any good. This whole ski-fear thing was intolerable. It was obviously in my way and had to go. I made a decision to no longer grapple with fear when skiing.
Next scene, skiing down a steep slope laden with moguls (very, very big bumps to the non-skiers). I can do moguls. I’ve taken workshops on them. I’ve spent days and days practicing on them. In fact, I go for them when I see them on the slope because when I do them well I LOVE skiing moguls. They raise me up so I can turn easily, then I slip down the side in an effortless (OK, my legs would disagree) rhythm. But there it was again. Fear. A big, looming energetic, monstrous field surrounding me. So, I looked fear in the face and said, “Hey, you. You’re out of here. I’m through with you. I’ve had enough. Leave.” I visualized energetically gathering all of the fear feeling into a big mass inside of me. I then took this energetic blob and dropped it down into my legs, where I needed the energy to handle the moguls. It was an action similar to breathing in and sending the breath to a sore or tight area in the body. I internally visualized the energy transforming from fear and moving down into my legs. And suddenly the fear became power. Raw, needed power in my legs. I ate those moguls for lunch. I dug into them and mastered them, loving every moment.
Without the fear, however, I noticed that I was taking more risk. I realized that I had used the fear to control myself so that I wouldn’t be foolish and get hurt. I decided to be careful without being in fear, and took a less dangerous route – not passing over into fool’s territory.
So skiing was a lot more fun that day. I skied better, and enjoyed observing my body doing what it’s learned to do over the last 46 years. And, I learned something. We use fear to control ourselves. We don’t have to live with it for longer than a second. It can be a beacon to notice something – to pay attention. Then we can take it by the throat and transform it. We can choose to use fear rather than be ruled by it. We can turn it into love, joy, power, whatever. From now on it will no longer scare me and I’m going to have a tremendous time skiing.
Deborah Hill is an Intuitive Coach, Author and Speaker. Her website is www.yourintuitivelife.com. If you’d like assistance with transforming fear in your life, contact her at: firstname.lastname@example.org.