The Missing Pieces of “The Secret”

The Missing Pieces of “The Secret”

By Frances Fayden, MSC

Have you tried the techniques espoused in “The Secret”? Are you still waiting for your Mercedes-Benz to suddenly appear in your driveway? You may be one of a growing number of people who believe the teachings of “The Secret,” but are frustrated with the seeming lack of results.

For those who don’t know, “The Secret” is a well made DVD (it is now also available as a book and audiobook) based on the Law of Attraction. It was initially distributed through network marketing associations and “new age” churches and organizations. Those of us on the west coast heard about this movie over a year ago, but it seems to have slowly made its way to the east coast earlier this year, and on its way has stirred up some controversy. The movie presents the law of attraction as if it is a long lost secret. It also claims that by simply learning how to focus your thoughts you can have, do or be anything you want.

I have recommended this movie to my clients and to my newsletter subscribers because I believe the basic principles it describes are true and helpful. If you want something, it will help you much more to think about what you want than about all the reasons why you can’t have what you want. But I have noticed something as more and more people watch this movie and try to integrate these ideas into their own lives: there are some missing pieces in “the Secret.”

What is missing from the Secret? There are three key points that seem to have been left out. The first missing piece is that love is the most magnetic and attracting factor in the universe. Simply wanting something is not enough to draw it to you. If you love something, don’t you think about it all day long? Don’t you daydream about it? You don’t need to make yourself think about it, your mind will naturally just keep going back to that thought over and over again. In fact, try NOT to think about it! This is what happens when we are in love or are really excited about a new project or event in our lives. If you had to make yourself think about the person you were dating in a positive way, chances are you are with the wrong person.

So it is with the law of attraction. You will draw to yourself the things you think about with great feeling. The way to really harness this universal law is to focus on what you love. For example, if you love to write poetry, keep your mind occupied with poetry. Think about great poets you admire; read their poetry and about their lives; join a poetry writing group; keep your mind absorbed in what you love.

The mistake I see people make is that, rather than focusing on everything having to do with poetry, they tell themselves that if they had ten million dollars they could write poetry whenever they wanted, so they stop pursuing poetry and focus on becoming a multi-millionaire. Then they wonder why they aren’t happy.

“The Secret” says people can have, do or be anything they want. This opens the door to unlimited possibilities. That’s a good thing. But the human tendency is to forget what it is we really want to do, be or have. We want to be happy. That is the simple truth. We all want to be happy and we all have different ways of achieving that happiness. Rather than ask yourself “I could have anything, could I have everything?” it would be more helpful to ask, “If I could have anything that will make me truly happy, what would that be?” Move in THAT direction, not in the direction of acquiring things just to have them.

The second missing piece of the Secret, and of most self-help books out there, is that they focus on the wrong “self” in “self-help.” Your “self”, that is, the little part of you known as the ego, is what got you where you currently are right now. If you are not happy with where you currently are, going back to the same source that created this for you is not the best idea. As Einstein stated so eloquently “The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them.” It also says in the 12 Step program Alcoholics Anonymous “Your best thinking got you here.” In other words, your ego’s capacity to change anything is extremely limited. But, the good news is that you are not limited to your ego. You have the ability to access your Higher Self, the real “Self” that makes true change possible in the concept of “Self-help.” That Self is not limited by your past, your present, your genes, your circumstances or anything at all. That is the Self that knows what is best for you and is waiting for your cooperation to bring you what will truly make you happy.

Now here is the catch: unlike Aladdin’s genie in “The Secret” who says “Your wish is my command” and will do anything you ask, your Higher Self knows what is best for you, what lessons you need to learn to grow and how best to let you learn those lessons. If you keep asking for an early retirement so that you don’t have to deal with the world anymore, that is a negative request. You are basically saying “I don’t want this.” If part of your lesson is to learn how to deal with the world in a joyful way, you may find that the early retirement doesn’t come as you had hoped. But if you ask for a fulfilling career, one where you can contribute to the world, or if you ask to retire from a career where you feel you have done all you can so you can expand your ability to help other people in a new way, that is a positive request. You are moving towards something you do want, something positive and uplifting, something you LOVE. You will find that resources and opportunities will begin to present themselves to you.

I have a friend who is currently trying to decide between two different paths. In truth, he doesn’t want to do either one and he wonders why he feels stuck. “It’s not clear to me. I keep asking for guidance. Which one is right for me? But I am still confused.” He is looking at two negative things, neither of which is what he would love, and he wonders why he doesn’t feel any guidance pointing him in either direction.

This illustrates the third missing piece: you must be honest with yourself about what you really want. Many people say they want something, but in all honesty, that is what they think they should want, based on what will make their parents, spouse or friends happy. This is the most common problem I see in my own healing practice. Energy gets “stuck” in a person’s energy field because they are “wired” to be an artist and yet they are forcing themselves to get an MBA, or vice versa. The Self that can and wants to help you will never violate your free will, but it will only go so far to help you go against yourself and the path you are meant to walk in this lifetime.

To activate these three missing pieces, as well as the other principles of the Law of Attraction, there is a critical component: your actions must reflect your desire. This may sound simple, but it is so often overlooked that I felt the need to mention it here. If you have a desire to accumulate great wealth, but continue to accumulate debt instead, your actions are canceling out your desire. Because actions are concrete and require energy, they often have a greater impact on our subconscious mind. What we do over and over again creates patterns in our brains. This is why many motivational authors recommend that you “act” a certain way until you can become this way. “Fake it until you make it” is another way of saying this. If you want something in your life, act in accordance with that. If you want to be healthy, act that way. Yes, it is important to keep your mind focused on what you want, but your actions ultimately dictate how successful you will be at manifesting your desires.

So remember the three missing pieces: First, that love is the most magnetic and attractive force in the universe. Focus on what you love, what makes you feel expansive and miraculous opportunities will come to you. Second, that the real self in self-help is your Higher Self, the only Self that can get you from where you are to where you want to be. You must reach out to your Higher Self and ask for guidance, develop a relationship with this part of yourself to overcome your current circumstances. Third, you must be honest with yourself about what will make you happy.

If you include these three missing pieces with the principles outlined in “The Secret,” and you begin to “act accordingly,” you might find that Mercedes-Benz that you love in your driveway sooner than you think.

Frances Fayden, MSC is a Success Coach, Spiritual Mentor and Intuitive Healer. She has been helping people discover and realize their dreams for over 15 years. As a living example of the power of following your heart and living your dreams, she teaches workshops across the country. To find out more about her work visit or email [email protected]

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