The Eternal Search For “Who Am I?”

The Eternal Search For “Who Am I?”

By Susan Scharfman

The Past
I’m hiking alone on a Himalayan mountainside-my companions are back at the Snow View Hotel-when suddenly a wild looking man with a head of matted hair and matching tangled beard appears in my path. Barring my way, he engages in a non-stop, one-way dialogue. Barefoot and naked except for a tattered kaupina around his private parts, the man is impervious to the cold.

Tibet has already fallen. Yet my friends, one the son of the hotel owner, have all but convinced me it’s safe to trek with them to Lhasa. We’re to leave Nepal in two days. But I’m frozen in my Abercrombie boots, while Mr. bright and cheery chatters away. Not once does he stop his constant singsong prattle-in my face, nodding, chuckling and gesturing. When finally he turns and disappears into the mist, I realize I haven’t understood a word he’s said. Yet here I am alone on the icy slopes of the Annapurna Massif, with a colossal knowledge of something I quickly forget. I know I’m searching for something. I know I won’t find it here. But where? I know I’m not going to Lhasa. I know I’m no longer young and stupid-just young.

The Present
There have been many spiritual masters in my life. I’ve learned countless practices from mystics and gurus: various yogas, meditations and healing techniques. I’ve studied in ashrams, taught meditation, and listened to brilliant new age teachers like Deepak Chopra who, along with Michael Beckwith and other popular luminaries have formed a high-minded association called “The Evolutionary Leaders.” These intellectuals speak knowingly of higher consciousness.

Deepak Chopra’s legendary talks, books and retreats have enriched the lives of thousands. “You are the luminous mystery in which the entire universe with its forms and phenomena arises and subsides,” says Chopra.
In “How to Know God” he says, “God is always there for you …”

But if I am the mystery, and God is always there for me, how and where do I find God to help me solve the mystery?

Michael Beckwith suggests you “Take this amazing mystical journey of your soul to engender a new vision of your life.” Beckwith has found the secret to wealth, as have many of the “Evolutionary Leaders” who are also successful entrepreneurs-and that’s fine. Who says you can’t be evolved and rich? But money never was the measure of who I am. I guess that’s why a career in public service suited me.

Bringing in The Light
My encounter with that implausible being in the Himalayas left an imprint on my awareness that remained with me all my life-until I met him once again in a dynamic young man named Panache Desai After years of consciousness-speak, and spiritual intellectual-speak, and scientific proof of the biological effects of spiritual practices, and “mystical journeys of the soul,” finally I understand the celebrated line by T. S. Eliot:

“We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

Like illuminating a dimly lit room, from the moment I met Panache Desai a subtle shift in my awareness began to take root. A young spiritual master who walks the talk and transforms lives through the unbounded power of his love, Panache guides people to the realization of their own Divinity. And he has given me that indescribable experience of what some call the Christ Light. Born and educated in London, England he now resides in the United States. Panache says to facilitate the “Ascension of America” he’s guided to carry the gift of energetic transformation to the four corners of the United States-in this year 2009.

Global Awakenings
The first of Panache Desai’s ‘Global Gatherings’ was in March in Black Mountain, North Carolina. The next will be in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and Saint Paul, Minnesota in June. The ‘Global Gathering’ in California will anchor the energy for the West Coast and occur at the time of the Autumnal Equinox in September. Panache says New Orleans, Louisiana, still struggling to recover, will be one of the most energetically transformative sessions ever, and will coincide with December’s Winter Solstice.

“By the end of 2009, from each anchor point, a stream of golden energy will radiate across towns, cities and states until all of America is encompassed in a dome of light, protection and Divine love. This gift transcends all religious beliefs, ideologies, backgrounds and faiths,” says Panache.

America’s Destiny: To Lead by Example
Contrary to conventional wisdom of some media, our country is not at the end of its greatness. Our present circumstances do not signal the fall of the American Empire. Rather these are times for reflection on what is most precious in life, and the country’s awakening to its inherent destiny willed by the Founders. “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose, under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

Now age 30, Panache devotes his life to this purpose. The planet is at risk and he’s in a hurry. He’s been sharing his extraordinary gift with people of all ages around the world since he received his powers at age 23. One of a new generation of spiritual masters like his friend Eckhart Tolle, Panache lives in the present and that is what he teaches. Everything he says is straight-talk, no BS. I am perfect just as I am. I am not my past. The future doesn’t exist. I am not my mind. If I listen to my mind it will drive me batty. I’m not my body. The body will always complain about something. There’s nothing to seek outside, nowhere to search out there.

I (we) have only to be conscious of what already is-the truth of who we are. Whenever I silently ask myself, “Who Am I?” That Divine all-powerful loving universal silence within prevails. I Am That Silence. We all are That.

Susan Scharfman is a former Foreign Service officer whose career with the U.S. State Department and Agency for International Development embodied service at overseas embassies within Europe, Asia and Africa, as well as the Washington, D.C. press office. In the private sector Susan is a novelist and Winner of a 75th Annual Writer’s Digest Memoir Award. Now a non-fiction freelance writer,, her website is currently under reconstruction.

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