A Question of Mothering

A Question of Mothering

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.
*Ask Your Mama™ Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™
by ©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

Dear Mama Donna,

I’m enjoying reading your book, The Queen of My Self. I have a question, though.  My own mother and both of my grandmothers were never the nurturing type of women. In truth, they weren’t the kind of people I’d care to be around if I wasn’t related to them. Both grandmothers have passed, and I try to have very little contact with my mother, as she is a negative and disruptive influence. I made a conscious decision to not have children of my own.

How do I find the “mother” in me and celebrate the part of me that I never developed in myself, and that wasn’t encouraged by the elder women in my life? I hope that doesn’t sound like a silly question, but I believe I won’t find my full power and purpose without this reconciliation with myself.

Thank you so much for your work!
– Julie, CA

Dear Queen Julie,

Of course you question isn’t silly. It is a most common one, and I thank you for sending it. I know that it will resonate with many of our sister Queens, and hopefully some of them will share their own insights and experiences with you.

The best way to find your mothering Self is to become your own mother! Now in your middle years, it is time to turn your attention to your own needs and desires. It is crucial that you nurture your body, as well as your most precious dreams, and lavish upon your Self an endless flow of emotional and spiritual sustenance and physical care.

How do you do that, you ask, without a role model? Make it up! Be your own role model! If you did not have a loving, giving, nurturing maternal influence, you now have the chance to change that karma and learn how to be your own caring mother.

And the exciting thing is that you can be the sort of parent that you always wished for — for me it was the cheerful, optimistic, fun-loving Mary Poppins that my little girl-Self needed so badly, rather than the negative, critical, demeaning mom that I had.

Whatever your childhood was like, that was then and this is now. Now, you can give your Self the unconditional love and support that you did not have as you were growing up. You can and must assume the responsibility to feed, nourish, encourage, and comfort your Self, pamper and challenge your Self, and whisper into your own ear each night as you slip off to sleep, “Good night, honey. I love you.”

Think about caring for your Self as an act of love, rather than a duty. Attitude is all. Your Self-care is, after all, strictly a gift you are giving to yourself. And you deserve it!

With blessings of mother love,


* Unofficial Commissioner of Public Spirit of NYC. – The New Yorker
* For 35 years Ms. Henes has been putting city folk in touch with Mother Earth. – New York Times
* Part performance artist, part witch, part social director for planet earth. 
    – The Village Voice
* Globally significant theater-in-the-round. – Brooklyn Bridge Magazine
* The woman is balanced. – Paper Magazine
* Solstice Sister. – TimeOut New York
* The Original crystal-packing mama. – NY Press

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post, Beliefnet and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. She has created and officiated public ceremonies for two mayors and a governor and serves as the ritual consultant on Hollywood films. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.


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